Lately, i have been watching a lot of different wellness methods and area leaders mention how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever within intercourse techniques. And also this idea seriously perplexes myself! Whenever I see clearly someplace, I stop and think

huh? In which performed these individuals get their better intercourse information from?

This really is an integral part of more substantial societal issue where lesbian, queer and bi women can be frequently left out from inside the discussion about sexual health and STIs. Its as though people think

STIs

merely originate from penises and that lesbian, queer and bisexual women cannot previously

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs is generally offered in a variety of techniques
. Through epidermis to skin get in touch with. From anal sex. From oral gender. From revealing adult toys. Essentially any kind of sex you are having, it’s most likely that STIs might end up being handed down, from one individual to another. It is in addition crucial to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies often have penises. Or sometimes we use dildos during sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier solution to reduce the chances of STIs getting passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to note that it isn’t really the termination of worldwide if you test positive for an STI. Lifetime as well as your sex-life are not more than. When we are able to have access to this type of safer sex information, then we could all develop and learn together—and have significantly more pleasant sex!

We have already mentioned
various shield strategies
that lesbian, queer and bisexual women can use when having sex with one another. And certainly, condoms come when it comes to those choices. You need to use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in vagina or whenever having
rectal intercourse
, when you’re utilizing a sex toy or dildo, and in addition cut a condom down the center (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or oral intercourse. When we inform women who sleep with other females that they don’t

need

condoms to practice much safer sex, our company is perpetuating this misconception that our intercourse is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs becoming provided.

So many of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual friends often chuckle about how exactly they do not exercise much safer intercourse. I listen to queer females make jokes about dental care dams and just how they do not have when used them. All of this tends to make me ask yourself which in our neighborhood do actually practice better intercourse? And when our company isn’t utilizing buffer strategies, are we after that having detailed conversations about the sexual health before we f*ck? Tend to be we constantly prioritizing obtaining tried between our very own associates? And not soleley a pap smear (
for the reason that it does not protect all of it
), but like obtaining a complete progress up?

Really don’t state any kind of this is judgmental, whatsoever. I been that woman to chuckle about dental dams. I have also got one night stands in which i did not prioritize myself or my lover’s intimate wellness. But i’d like us to complete better. I’d like you to have actual, nuanced conversations about the sexual wellness. As it matters, babes. And I need past laughing about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as an option.

Frequently inside dialogue, I get asked

well, what if I want to utilize a dental dam but she does not think that’s beautiful?

This concern can be so extensive that personally i think like plenty lesbian, queer and bisexual women can be even afraid to inquire of their unique lovers to rehearse better sex. But let me make it clear a queer girl secret, getting oral intercourse through a dental dam is gorgeous and feels incredible. Actually, the individual it really alters circumstances for will be the person providing the oral. It is a bit different of an event, but the one that you can get utilized to! It’s beautiful for the individual receiving because 1. you are both prioritizing each other’s intimate health, and that is hot AF and 2. in my own sincere view, it nevertheless feels pleasant as f*ck.

In addition discover how challenging it can be to carry up the discussion of STIs before you decide to have sex, particularly if you’ve never had sex with this person prior to. Something I’ve discovered in my several years of messily navigating gender and relationships is the fact that when I talk to somebody concerning form of sex we both want and with what variety of obstacles we need to use—We have wayyyy much better gender. Like I am not stating this simply because i am a sex technical. I’m telling you my truthful queer woman reality. Intercourse is better when you discuss desire as well as your bodies very first.

Let us break it straight down.

You and this possible hookup do not know both’s figures however. Each person features their particular desires and ticks and movements, that switch all of them the f*ck on. And even though you could perform a guessing game while you are making love to figure out exactly what ~feels good~ for this brand-new person, you can instead, discuss it in advance. Actually it fun to be able to f*ck some one the direction they wish to be f*cked? You then already know just the go-to spot for them, in which you desire to develop to and the ways to get them to be putty within hand.

About dealing with just what obstacles and/or toys you wish to make use of if you are having sex—a large amount of individuals think it is super maybe not sensuous and requires every fun from the jawhorse. But picture in case you are having sex however the whole time you are anxious as you really desired to use a dental dam but don’t know how to tell the girl can now you are unable to have an orgasm because you’re thus in your head about maybe not talking right up to your requirements? That is no enjoyable for everyone, trust me. When you get that dialogue straightened out prior to starting having sex, then you know to go for the condom when using the strap-on or whether she’s cool with liquid connection or perhaps not. These are typically important elements of gender and we should never dismiss them.

I’ve research for many of you scanning this nowadays. The very next time you’re having a unique hookup with somebody, just be sure to incorporate several of these discussions when you hit the bedsheets and see exactly what the results are. We guess you that you’ll possess some mind-blowing consensual much safer sex!

Had gotten any sex concerns? Feel free to reach out: Corinne@gomag.com!